I know that if nothing else, I've had the great fortune of a great love and one that has transformed my life and my heart, my insides.. forever. No one has ever been so kind, so accepting and has understood me in the way that you did, Nick. Each of our moments were filled with mad love, the kind that makes you want to hide behind trees in planters, the kind that softly reassured that there was indeed a purpose of this place. Our relationship was truly that of 'can't live with each other, can't live without each other'. We were one in the same, absolute kindred spirits and I've no doubt we've been traveling together for a long time. I can't say I'm 'evolved' enough to really feel that you are with me all the time, though I do know that you are. It's kind of analogous to when you feel like a pain hurts so badly it will never leave, but deep down you know it will heal. I know that though you're physically not with me, you are with me on the most real plane of existence there is, deep down in that special place, forever. I'm still so pained by your physical absence, and if I allowed it, the pain could eat me alive, as it almost did. The thing that keeps me going is the gratitude I feel to have been given an experience like you. And the weight of pain that is accompanied with the knowing that you were limited here, has taught me invaluable lessons and has led me to visions of what true equanimity, freedom, & peace mean. I know that we are unlimited, boundless soul mates and your memory is a legend to all who knew you, truly. Happy Birthday sweetheart.
I wanna glide down over mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while
1 comment:
Now I understand....
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