Savages

I think it's safe to say that I'm a little weird when it's raining. I can't really function and I get all freaked out and create anxiety in my head that makes me want to sit in a booth by myself all night. Even with the rain though... the show was great. Got to see the people I hold so close to my heart... and the night was really topped off by Lionel Richie and Nikki's Mandy Moore "banking" talk, and then further rant about Jenn's "Land Rover". I miss my friends... and hopefully this year I'll see way more of you. I think we're all finally at a much better place individually... and it took us a lot longer than I could've imagined, and I'm sure there's still more healing to happen... but it will.

high and dry--generation of jg's.

its so sad when you come to the realization that things just aren't the same. so much time goes by you dont even notice anythings different, and usually it's not but then when shit hits the fan and ur able to see cleary peoples FIRST reactions and how they make decisions its just so upsetting. i dont want to be hurt or disappointed... and i completely set myself up for it. i guess its too much to ask for a little respect from the people that you love and say they love you. when you do so much, put so much of yourself out there, and do it honorably with good intentions is usually when u get stepped on the most. why is that? i know how i want to live my life and make my decisions and i guess my mistake was that in return for the things i do i at least expect respect. and the funny thing is that people for some reason or another never get it. the principle of the fact, i mean. it kills me and is only slightly ANNOYING. when someone is a piece of shit which im sorry to say and be harsh but its fuckin true... and they make poor desicions on a day to day basis because its the easier, more convinient thing to do then THEY NEED TO face the consequences of their poor choices. and what kills me is they don't even think twice about it... i mean how fuckin selfish and INCONSIDERATE can you be??? it disgusts me... and what is making me the most upset is that is who people choose to give their respect to. someone that ALLOWS an abusive, unhealthy relationship because they're too afraid to get their fuckin life together and function as an adult independently. how many times has this happened?? how many more fights are you going to put up with? how many more crying phone calls and crazy fights will we witness at 3am with the promise that THIS time its really over. and after all the comfort and care that is so foolishly dished out while we sacrifice OUR lives and precious time... STILL it goes back the way it was... an OKAY relationship when they are sober and a dysfunctional wreck at all other times. and can i just ask what the FUCK she's done for you?? besides create drama and bring crappy people into your life??... and oh occasionally provide you with some cheap thrill fun times. where else does this person show up for you???? ask yourself the dreadful questions. and its not just about face value. theres no meaningful devotedness there at all. no geniuine care whatsoever... its just a comfort zone on both ends. its pathetic how comfortable people get in their own hells... they justify it and it becomes "normal" and even "good" in their understanding of the word. whatever... i cant let this affect any more of my day than it already has. im done. i dont have time for this petty high school drama in my life. its just silly that i got my feelings so hurt... and now i can resume my life with yet another lesson learned and one less person that i am dealing with. dont get me wrong, i love her to death.. but until i SEE with my own eyes some GOOD ACTIONS out of this person i am d o n e. yes i accept that people change and slowly separate into different worlds, but I am a person that will always know where my loyalties lie. I'll be here if and when u change.

i'm gonna attempt the rain now.

Lug&Zig

HAPPPPPYYYY NEWWWW YEARRR my love.. u are my whole heart and soul and everything imortant impossibly all wrapped into one being. I know I've told u this before, but u have taught me so much and continue to teach and inspire me every day to live my life passionatly (i know i'm cringing too)-- but to be full of curiousity and to be imaginative/creative/independent, among many many things.............. and i mean what more can u ask for in a friend?? really when it comes down to it, when u are inspired by someone in more than one way and they impel you to THINK & FEEL deeply.. there is nothing more meaningful and it is an invaluable friendship. you are a beautiful, beautiful person my jacky.... and no matter what u are my number one, nobody can ever know what we have because no one is us. i just love u with every part of me and am so thankful that we got through what seemed like a horrible experience *and it was but i think we both learned A LOT and nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely... So i look forward to a new year FULL of silly grinchmas laughs with my twinnybinny, wanna know about life chats drunk AND undrunk (we'll have to recapture the essence of our old apartment stairs in a new treasured place (we'll make a fort or something), taking it to the EXTREME OF EXTREME adventures with lemon flavored snapple, CL's(camel lights), orange soda, red gatorade, red bull, vitamin water, beef jerkey, and a digital camera as our only motivating fuel, intimidating people with our "intense" presence, running/dancing/jumping and apparently fighting off velvetine rabbits with flutes and playing catch with velcro mits & babie bunnies, eating feast buffets simultaneously consisting of irish nachos, cesar salads, sushi, buffalo wings, spinach dip, garlic bread, pizzasaurus rex, nachos from chiles, chicken smothered in biscuits and gravy from cheesecake factory, homemade pizookies, mac and cheeese my style, blue cheese/pear salads, french dips with au jus, ranch, bbq, honey mustard, chive dip, (any & ALL sauces we can get our cubby little hands on) and the list could go on and on and if i missed any of our majorrr feasting interests please LET ME KNOW. but anyways anyways basically i am looking forward to classic US: "it was a collaboration, it was daring, it was motivational, it was inspired by the pursuit of happyness, it was shocking, it was spectacular" me and you time.

my mom thinks i was a chef in one of my previous lives because of my newfound LOVE/OBSESSION with cooking/baking/anything to do with cooking and/or baking/FOOD..... and i just had this thought... i think that in one of our previous lives together we've been husband and wife as chefs. i know it sounds weird... but i kinda can feel it in my bones. as silly as it may seem food has def been a big connection between u and i and theres something deeper that dwells within that aspect.

i love u more than anything in this world. always, always know that and that i will be here for u, with u, in u forever. there is no doubt, the literally dreadful fear that when i get to "heaven" and i cant find my twinny has left me... and it has sunken in, way way deep down in that our souls, our ENERGY will never, ever be apart.

you play a very significant role in where i am today, which is more than less the best place i have ever been. and on that note and starting off 2008 and as for life in general can i just say: i am e x c i t e d. i am a child in a candy shop with peanut butter cups the size of oranges. i have a beautiful. LOVING. amazing. family, the most wonderful friends anyone could ask for that teach and inspire me each in their own unique & special way, i am in the best shape of my life and am so curiously intrigued with fitness and health and from that brings many lessons in discipline which is among my overwhelming current range of interests: the science of language, going GREEN, ice-skating, singing--and music in any way shape or form, anything and everything that occurs ORGANICALLY, metaphysical being, play-dough, all aspects of photography/film, tea, animals, anything to do with being physical (namely sex, and jumping), any and all concepts on teleological thought, Soren Kierkegaard, and i really could go on and onnnnnn. It is crazy to think how depressed i was.. my life was obstructed at all angles of any type of culture, education, beauty, or anything spiritual. But I am back, finally... and I cannot wait to see what this year has in store... its gonna be good and i know it.

the doctor shop. ryan atwood snarles. "I'll show u meaningful!!!!!" i love u twinny.