high and dry--generation of jg's.

its so sad when you come to the realization that things just aren't the same. so much time goes by you dont even notice anythings different, and usually it's not but then when shit hits the fan and ur able to see cleary peoples FIRST reactions and how they make decisions its just so upsetting. i dont want to be hurt or disappointed... and i completely set myself up for it. i guess its too much to ask for a little respect from the people that you love and say they love you. when you do so much, put so much of yourself out there, and do it honorably with good intentions is usually when u get stepped on the most. why is that? i know how i want to live my life and make my decisions and i guess my mistake was that in return for the things i do i at least expect respect. and the funny thing is that people for some reason or another never get it. the principle of the fact, i mean. it kills me and is only slightly ANNOYING. when someone is a piece of shit which im sorry to say and be harsh but its fuckin true... and they make poor desicions on a day to day basis because its the easier, more convinient thing to do then THEY NEED TO face the consequences of their poor choices. and what kills me is they don't even think twice about it... i mean how fuckin selfish and INCONSIDERATE can you be??? it disgusts me... and what is making me the most upset is that is who people choose to give their respect to. someone that ALLOWS an abusive, unhealthy relationship because they're too afraid to get their fuckin life together and function as an adult independently. how many times has this happened?? how many more fights are you going to put up with? how many more crying phone calls and crazy fights will we witness at 3am with the promise that THIS time its really over. and after all the comfort and care that is so foolishly dished out while we sacrifice OUR lives and precious time... STILL it goes back the way it was... an OKAY relationship when they are sober and a dysfunctional wreck at all other times. and can i just ask what the FUCK she's done for you?? besides create drama and bring crappy people into your life??... and oh occasionally provide you with some cheap thrill fun times. where else does this person show up for you???? ask yourself the dreadful questions. and its not just about face value. theres no meaningful devotedness there at all. no geniuine care whatsoever... its just a comfort zone on both ends. its pathetic how comfortable people get in their own hells... they justify it and it becomes "normal" and even "good" in their understanding of the word. whatever... i cant let this affect any more of my day than it already has. im done. i dont have time for this petty high school drama in my life. its just silly that i got my feelings so hurt... and now i can resume my life with yet another lesson learned and one less person that i am dealing with. dont get me wrong, i love her to death.. but until i SEE with my own eyes some GOOD ACTIONS out of this person i am d o n e. yes i accept that people change and slowly separate into different worlds, but I am a person that will always know where my loyalties lie. I'll be here if and when u change.

i'm gonna attempt the rain now.