cumbersome vs leaflike past my bedtime

disappointment.




Please don't try and talk to me about fucking disappointment like I don't understand it from the depths. Where it comes from, where I invited it, and where I didn't deserve it. And what angers me is the hypocrisy, the shadiness, but most of all the fact that I support you, in every decision you make NO MATTER HOW STUPID I THINK IT IS and you have lost the ability to do that for me. Yes, I completely welcome your opinion, and I will never ask you to lie or sugar coat your perspective. But let's stop beating around the bush and admit that there is an akward tension over territorial insecurities or something and one of us in unaware of it, and I don't think it's me. When it comes to judgment calls, I would not try and pull the indignant card to try and convince me I'm in the wrong.

To be completely honest, I have felt such a lack of camaraderie between us these past months. At my worst, you tell me your "sorry" but you promise to call back soon, and in place of that I get some measely texts telling me the same old. I don't expect you to give me some magical fucking answers, but the support of your voice on the other end.... I mean when do we even talk anymore anyway??? About anything that is worthwhile? Seriously, I cannot remember a time that I felt the rewards of conversation between you and I. AND I consider that to be a large component of a healthy, well friendship.

I am going to bed. I'm starting to rant, and negativity has been such a minimal part of my life lately, I'd like to keep it that way. Tomorrow is new and I will address what I'm feeling and hopefully we will feel resolved.